My whole mission I have been teaching people that trials and tests are part of life, to show our commitment and our love for the Lord. We chose to come here to this life to be tested and tried so that we can live with our Heavenly Father again. I know this stuff and know that it is true. I also know the mission is not easy. It´s not for wimps.
I´ve started having back pain in Augusto and I just thought it was my little tumors and things would be fine. I only had a little more time left and ya. As you know I was sent home and treated with for a buldging disc in my back and little by little was nursed back to heal. I had the wonder miracle take place and I was able to come back to my same mission and same area where I was before. I struggled with a little bit of pain but thought it would just go away.
2 months back into the mission and I´m in the same place I started. I am at a pain level I can´t explain. Everyone kept telling me when I passed kidney stones that was like back labor. I can´t tell you the kind of back labor/pain I am feeling right now. I think I will easily be able to handly back labor.
I talked to my mom and then to my mission president about what was going on and how I felt. I told him I would like a blessing and he gave me one. I thought feeew ok my part in done I will be healed and ready to give it my all the last 4 months of my mission. I got on a bus and headed one. By the time I made it one I was in tears curled up in a ball trying to get rid of the pain that I felt. I thought this should be gone, everyone is praying for me, I´m praying and fasting and I just got this blessing Hello...
I continue to be taught it´s not my timing but it´s the Lords timing and I need to have faith in him. I´ve had to keep reminding myself everyday when I think I can´t leave the house becuase of the pain I am in, that faith without works is dead. I guess I was a little inspired when I put the scripture after the trial of your faith you will have a testimony either 12:6. I have had many trials of my faith but I am thankful for each one of them.
I was in the hopsital the other day recieving teatment, or just getting shot up with pain meds to help with my pain. The doctor told me that I can´t walk so much, I was like ummmm. I don´t think you understand I am a missionary thats what we do all the time. But I can´t walk so much, I can´t get on buses, I can´t carry heavy things the usual then she told me that I needed to lose weight. I was just like oh thank you. But it´s true maybe it will help. Anyways I got put on bed rest again for 2 days and we are waiting to see what the doctor says when we get my test results sent here and then to the hospital.
I know the Lord has me in his hands and that everything is going to be ok. I will be fine and this test will have it´s end at some put. I was talking with a missionary today and boy does satan want me to fail or what. The missionary told me that Heavenly Father knows my pain, and knows whats best. That I can go home now and get released when honors. I laughed and told him I didn´t come this far to give it up and throw in the towel now. I only have 4 more months left I´m going to finish. After we finished talking satan was right there to tear me down. That I wasn´t doing anything here, why was I here in the mission, that I was just sitting around and that my presdient and his wife were goign to think the same thing and blah blah blah. I really hate satan. But I got over it quickly after reading and thinking a little more. I am suppose to serve for 18 months and I´m here for a reason. Heavenly Father knew what was going to happen before I even came back and he sent me back here so there is a purpose for me. I just need to be patient and figure it out. I´m also learning patience and well everything I struggle with now.
I love this work and I love the trials and tests we get to pass to make us better people and to strengthen our testimonies that we have. I wouldn´t have it any other way.