1 Week.

One week from today I will going into the MTC in Provo. I am a little sad to leave but honestly after the snow storm yesterday and a little today all I keep thinking is seven more days then I don't have to drive in this two years!! That is one of the happiest thoughts in my head right now that soon enough I will be out of this cold weather and into the heat. Bring it on.

Again I just have to say it's not very easy being a girl and trying to pack. I have to many outfits and to many things that I want to pack and take because I don't have a Walmart or something to just run to in the middle of the night or at anytime if I have forgotten anything. I did get my police letter sent off again saying I have no criminal record thank heavens. But at least they will let me in Nicaragua with that. It's ok tho because I don't plan on coming home with all my stuff that I take down so at least I have enough to share with everyone :D

Life has been good lately and things have been good. I have seen things more clearly thanks to a friend and have realized that I can do hard things and even tho I'm sad or it's hard to handle or think that life could be different there is always a light at the end of the tunnle and when you make it there the warmth and sunshine is great! There are times in life were your heart literally hurts and it's proven that people DO really die of a broken heart, but anyways at times where you literally have pain and you don't know how to make it stop and to go away. Just remember there is a light and to go towards it.

I can't wait to teach the people of Nicaragua and to be taught by them. I spoke on Christlike Attributes on Sunday and will again on this Sunday but in my head I picture the people of Managua with all of these attributes and how they will teach me truely how to be Christlike. I haven't mastered them or any of the other things that I have learned but little by little I can see myself becoming a better person and my life being happier. No I might not be the most popular and spending time with my family isn't always by choice but I still am happier.

7 days and counting it's crazy and I'll try my best to keep up on this while I'm out there and hopefully my family will maybe post letters but I'll do my best.

One talk down and one more to go, I can't believe that this is my last full week before I leave to the MTC. After giving my talk today in the singles ward again checking things off I also got to check off graduating from my mission prep class. After trying to take it once and getting kicked out only a few weeks into it for being a distraction. I took it again when I found out who the teachers were. I have only been in that class for 2 years now and honestly in a way it doesn't feel like it's been that long but then again it has been alot of Sundays of missing dinners or other things to go to mission prep. But I've learned alot from that class and also the dedication to going where I should be for preparing for my mission.

My attitude has changed and I can't wait till I leave and get to serve the Lord. He has strengthened me and helped me through these things of preparing and I have been taught so much I feel like I didn't really need to be in mission prep because of the so many things that I've learned just waiting to leave.

I've learned that even though I don't know everything thats how I'm suppose to be. To be humble and to be able to admit it. It's only when we humble ourselves and admit that we don't know everything that the Lord can use us and that we can be tools and His hands. Even tho I only give primary answers primary answers are what those who don't know about the gospel are going to need.

10 days and counting then I will not have to drive in the snow for 2 years :D I can not wait!

Broken Things to Mend

It was only when his faith wavered and fear took control only when he removed his glance from the master to look at the furious waves and the omnous black gulf beneath, only then did he begin to sink into the sea. In the newer terror he cried out, "Lord, save me"

undoubtedly with some sadness, the master over every problem and fear, He who is the solution to every discouragement and sidappointment, stretched out His hand and grasped the drwoning disciple with the gentle rebuke, "o thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt.

Jeffrey R. Holland

For a while now I've struggled with different trial and tests that have been put in my path as I prepare to leave. I've thought my life had been easy and my biggest tests were what shoes should I wear with this outfit? I knew that my time would come and I would get my world a little shaken. Have my tests been big, no I haven't had anyone die, or had to walk across the plains. Have I had to sell all I own to be able to pay for things no, but I have had my own trials and struggles as expected.

Jeffrey R. Holland teaches us that while are eyes are fixed upon Christ or upon the things Christ would have us do we are safe and able to accomplish the things that we need and that we want. It is only when he take our eyes off our Savior that we being to sink. How often in life do we take our eyes off the Savior? How often do we think that we can do things on our own? We know what to do like praying and readying and going to church everyweek but is that all he asks of us? Can we do more? Honestly in life it's not the easiest or the "coolest" thing to always think Hmmm if I do this is it going to effect my eternal happiness? Yes I'm sure we do ask ourselves that when we are thinking about doing something really bad or stupid but more the most part in life we don't.

Lately i've thought and focused on how things have sucked and things are going to be different and hard. After listening and reading this talk I've learned and have seen how fast I have begun to sink.

Our Heavenly Father and Savior are so kind to us in life, they know exactly what we need. They know what we are going to do in life and what is going to happen to us and even when we do things we know are wrong they are there to welcome us back with open arms. Some many times we do things to make ourselves sink and we cry out "Lord, save me." And as always He is there to pull us to safety. But does rebuke us and say "O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt." When in the middle or hard times we don't always have the faith that we should but when we see the light or we have hit rock bottom we cry out. Our Heavenly Father loves us and I'm so excited to go and to teach the people of Nicaragua that they are loved and that they can be saved and to bring back the knowledge that they once had. This is an amazing talk I advice you to read it and reread it. Our Savior lives and he loves us, He atoned for our sins that he knew we would do because he loves us and wants us to live with him and our Father in Heaven again. Our prayers are answered maybe not in the time that we want but they are heard and answered in the time that we need. We need to be still, to quite the noise of the world and listen. We can't change the way or God's will but He knows what he is doing and what will happen and what will make us happy so trust in him, have faith in him and go forward.

Growing we do it every day

Over the last month and a half I have had alot of time to myself to think about things and about my life. At conference Elder Uchtdorf talked about slowing down in life, Jonathan and I laughed about it as we walked out of conference and now and then send little reminders through text for each other to slow down slow way down. To be honest I really liked that talk but haven't really thought about it since conference.

My new found love is doing puzzles when I'm thinking or upset or frustrated with life and because I haven't been sleeping very well at nights so I do puzzles to think and make myself fall asleep. Doing a 1000 piece puzzle gives you alot of time to reflect and think about things. Like I said over the last month and a half I have realized that alot of things I use to worry or get worked up over don't really matter anymore. People always say that the most important things in life are your family and the people you care about that how you should fill your time. As I've had time to spend with my family I've learned about them and have built greater friendships with them. And the people I care about I care about them more. It's true how being away from people makes you love them even more and see them for who they really are.

I took for grantite alot of things and ways very self centered. No I'm not perfect now and I'm not still a little selfish (don't ever try to take my food when I'm hungry it will be the end of our friendship) but things that I use to get bothered by I look back and think wow how dumb way I. I got bothered by this person? I was mean about being around these people? I judged them and didn't even know them and before I could get to know them I already decided I wouldn't like them because she acted like she didn't know what was going on, or he just talked about himself, or he always has to be with us. Sadly I missed out on making alot more memories and friends. In the act of slowing down I have slowed down. I don't always go 80 on the freeway which I would always do. I don't always go the speed limit when I'm driving I catch myself just driving along and then I look down and think what the heck I'm not even going 40 in a 45!! We race along in life tring to get to the next place in time to the next memory or event so fast we don't know what we're missing or really even what we are seeing because we pass it so fast. Maybe it's just really have no time limit right now in life. Being able to come and go when I please because of the mish but it's nice to just be zoned out and relax a little bit.

A really good and close friend of mine taught me that you have to communicate in life. Funny huh, I think that if you don't bring it up it will just go away. Preparing for my mission and doing puzzles I've learned I can't do that. It doesn't help and no one knows what I'm really thinking or feeling so how can that make anything better? I was wrong and this good friend was right. How did I ever think I would have a good relationship without this? Again I was self centered and didn't know anything.

My blinders have been removed and Heavenly Father is letting me see things and grow and learn these things honestly I wish I would of know a while ago, but as taught me these things and as shown me how good I had had things and how bad a treated them and how foolish and dumb that I was. I'm sorry for being in my own little world. My life was good and is good and will be better now that I know these things.
It's hard to see what we have when we have it. But when it's gone we realize what we really had. Take a minute no take five minutes and write down all the things you have. Write down what you love about someone, write down what they do for you. No one is perfect and we all have things that bug someone but those are just little quirks that make that person that person. Try to be better and show more emotion and love. Yes I Sabrina Evans do believe in love it took an amazing person to teach me that love exists but I do believe in it now. Anyways try to be better and listen, talk, spend time, think of others put yourself in their shoes don't lose the things that you have over selfish reasons.

Time flies! Everyone says that the mission will fly by and I laughed because it's 18 months come on that doesn't fly by just ask people in school, or someone pregnant 9 months doesn't fly by but if it's anything like the time now i'll be home before Christmas. I just watched Inception again and my life feels like that. I feel like I'm dreaming, and the time now is like when I'm sleeping how it is times by like 10 or something like that. Don't worry if you didn't understand this analogy I still don't fully understand the movie and I've seen it twice.
In two weeks from today I will be on my way to the MTC at this time to do my tuck and roll out of the van with my bags because of the short time they give you which I'm a really big fan of because I wasn't about to go watch a movie and bawl my eyes out then leave. I'm not a huge fan of showing my emotions I cry when I laugh and thats about the only time I let people see me cry. But again learning and thinking over the puzzle you have to show emotions no not cry all the time but show emotions so that you can be normal.

I'm really happy about these things that I've learned and the knowledge that we gain daily. I'm greatful for really good friends who put up with alot of crap and alot of emotion roller coasters. I'm greatful for the things that they have taught me and the love that they have shown me without them I don't know what my life would be. Heavenly Father blesses us with the people we need in our life at the times we need them the most and I'm very greatful for that. I know that our Father in Heaven hears and answers our prayers. I know that he loves us and that he knows each and everyone of us. He truely wants us to be happy and loves to bless us and help us along our way. I'm greatful for the comfort and love that he has shown me and the prayers that have been answered in my behalf. Never feel like you can't talk to him because he wants to talk to you. Talk to him about any little thing in life, your sad, your happy you need help finding a job talk to him and you will be amazed at how much he will bless you.

Blinders

Every time I post a new blog while I'm typing in my head is the voice of the lady off of you got mail. I guess that's what blogs do to you.
Days are flying bye like never before in my life I wake up one day and it's Monday the next thing I know it's Friday. That's great and wished it would of happened like that back in high school or when I had something exciting going on on the weekends, but since it's putting me closer to leaving it's getting alittle scary.

It's funny how when you get you'r call everyone is super excited for you to go and all on board. And when the days get closer and closer everyone changes their minds. I'm not going to lie I've thought to myself time and time again, I don't have to go I'm a girl, I don't have to do this I can just say no, My life is good how it is now I can just go back to it and continue on. It's hard to leave what you only know and what you love. It's hard to think that friends will be married in the time that you're gone. That people will be graduated. That the life I once had won't be the same anymore.

Sometimes I think that life would be easier if.... I was a boy because then I would of already went and I'm done and back to life before I knew any better. Or if we were all robots and had to feelings then we wouldn't cry when we left or really even care for the matter.
It's funny how little things seem to be HUGE and effect us in so many ways. As we go through life we have blinders like horses do when they race so they can't see the other horses or anything else. As we grow up our blinders slowy get smaller and smaller and then they are gone. We see the world as it really is and how people really are sometimes. We our problems and want what other people have. As the world opens up to us and we see how it is, it makes us want to crawl under the fort blanket and never come out. As my blinders have slowly came off and will continue to come off even more when i'm in Nicaragua I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it. Were taught to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, with no blinders I don't see how you can't have those. There are days now that I feel like I can't go on, there is to much bad in the world and I'm to sad and it's scary to think that how I feel now will be doubled when I get out on my mission and start to teach and see those who have nothing, those who know that the gospel is true but Satan gets to them and they quit listening. To see that my companions might not always see eye to eye with me and that cooking for myself is hard, but I know that I will be taken care of and no matter what pain and heart break I'm going through that the Savior knows how I feel.

I was taught during a rough month that the Atonement isn't just for when we sin. The Atonement is for everything in life. When we are sad, lonely, angry, disappointed and feeling like no one knows how we could possibly feel. I know we have all heard it before, but the Savior knows how we feel. We need to turn to him and turn our feelings towards him because he knows how we feel and we need to give him those feelings because he has already atoned for them so we don't have to feel that way anymore. Does that mean we don't have to go through the trial or hard time we are going through? No, we still have to learn and to go through them because by turning our feelings over to him we grow and are comforted. I said before I can do hard things and so can you! Life isn't easy and it won't ever be. We will always have problems that will come up but we can get through them. And when you're done with that trial just think of what lies ahead for you when your done. I know it's going to be something amazing!
If anyone is thinking about going on a mission it's not easy and the trials and test you go through before you even get to the MTC are pretty darn hard, but go forward with faith and trust in the Lord and He will bless you. Everything might not be there when you get home and thats a little scary but you will be provided for and whats meant to be will always find it's way.

3 Weeks Away.

When you first get your call everything is super exciting and new. Your going somewhere amazing you have forever to get things ready so thats not really on the top of your list of things to do. Last Sunday sitting outside waiting for the Bishop to have my reccomend interview it hit me.. HOLY COW I'm really doing this. I'm going through the temple in less then a week. I'm going on a mission in 3 weeks.

Garment shopping was a JOKE for someone who hates and can't make up her mind there was alot of chosing to do there. The little old lady that was helping us was more confusing then help (bless her heart tho) she kept showing us the ones we didn't want and we could ask her are you sure we want those she is going somewhere hot and she would say oh no no these aren't good then. Finally we just slipped away and got what we thought i would like. We thought pretty hard when I put them on in the temple tho and it looked like I had a Barbie doll top on.

The Temple was amazing and I'm so greatful for those who could be there and share that time with me. I went through the Draper temple on Saturday the 6th and it was beautiful. We got there a little early so we had to wait for a little bit which kinda got to me after a little while because thats a long time and I was hungry.

So of course I'm going to have a few problems along the way before I leave. One of those problems are... My clothes alone take up my big suitcase. I'm not over packing they told me to bring 8 to 10 outfits.. And I have that many just maybe a few more shirts so that makes the count go up. Other then that I think things are going great. Just finishing up getting the last little bit of things. It's so crazy to think I'm really leaving, I'm really doing this!
I'm a lot nervous to speak in church because it's never been my favorite and there will be quiet a few people there. It's a great learning experience tho.

Heavenly Father is very kind and he hears and answers are prayers and even when we don't ask for it he gives us things and calms our mind. I know that this is the true Church on earth and we are so lucky to have it. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a true Prophet of God and leads and guides us in these days. The church is true keep working on things no one is perfect.