Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Growing we do it every day

Over the last month and a half I have had alot of time to myself to think about things and about my life. At conference Elder Uchtdorf talked about slowing down in life, Jonathan and I laughed about it as we walked out of conference and now and then send little reminders through text for each other to slow down slow way down. To be honest I really liked that talk but haven't really thought about it since conference.

My new found love is doing puzzles when I'm thinking or upset or frustrated with life and because I haven't been sleeping very well at nights so I do puzzles to think and make myself fall asleep. Doing a 1000 piece puzzle gives you alot of time to reflect and think about things. Like I said over the last month and a half I have realized that alot of things I use to worry or get worked up over don't really matter anymore. People always say that the most important things in life are your family and the people you care about that how you should fill your time. As I've had time to spend with my family I've learned about them and have built greater friendships with them. And the people I care about I care about them more. It's true how being away from people makes you love them even more and see them for who they really are.

I took for grantite alot of things and ways very self centered. No I'm not perfect now and I'm not still a little selfish (don't ever try to take my food when I'm hungry it will be the end of our friendship) but things that I use to get bothered by I look back and think wow how dumb way I. I got bothered by this person? I was mean about being around these people? I judged them and didn't even know them and before I could get to know them I already decided I wouldn't like them because she acted like she didn't know what was going on, or he just talked about himself, or he always has to be with us. Sadly I missed out on making alot more memories and friends. In the act of slowing down I have slowed down. I don't always go 80 on the freeway which I would always do. I don't always go the speed limit when I'm driving I catch myself just driving along and then I look down and think what the heck I'm not even going 40 in a 45!! We race along in life tring to get to the next place in time to the next memory or event so fast we don't know what we're missing or really even what we are seeing because we pass it so fast. Maybe it's just really have no time limit right now in life. Being able to come and go when I please because of the mish but it's nice to just be zoned out and relax a little bit.

A really good and close friend of mine taught me that you have to communicate in life. Funny huh, I think that if you don't bring it up it will just go away. Preparing for my mission and doing puzzles I've learned I can't do that. It doesn't help and no one knows what I'm really thinking or feeling so how can that make anything better? I was wrong and this good friend was right. How did I ever think I would have a good relationship without this? Again I was self centered and didn't know anything.

My blinders have been removed and Heavenly Father is letting me see things and grow and learn these things honestly I wish I would of know a while ago, but as taught me these things and as shown me how good I had had things and how bad a treated them and how foolish and dumb that I was. I'm sorry for being in my own little world. My life was good and is good and will be better now that I know these things.
It's hard to see what we have when we have it. But when it's gone we realize what we really had. Take a minute no take five minutes and write down all the things you have. Write down what you love about someone, write down what they do for you. No one is perfect and we all have things that bug someone but those are just little quirks that make that person that person. Try to be better and show more emotion and love. Yes I Sabrina Evans do believe in love it took an amazing person to teach me that love exists but I do believe in it now. Anyways try to be better and listen, talk, spend time, think of others put yourself in their shoes don't lose the things that you have over selfish reasons.

Time flies! Everyone says that the mission will fly by and I laughed because it's 18 months come on that doesn't fly by just ask people in school, or someone pregnant 9 months doesn't fly by but if it's anything like the time now i'll be home before Christmas. I just watched Inception again and my life feels like that. I feel like I'm dreaming, and the time now is like when I'm sleeping how it is times by like 10 or something like that. Don't worry if you didn't understand this analogy I still don't fully understand the movie and I've seen it twice.
In two weeks from today I will be on my way to the MTC at this time to do my tuck and roll out of the van with my bags because of the short time they give you which I'm a really big fan of because I wasn't about to go watch a movie and bawl my eyes out then leave. I'm not a huge fan of showing my emotions I cry when I laugh and thats about the only time I let people see me cry. But again learning and thinking over the puzzle you have to show emotions no not cry all the time but show emotions so that you can be normal.

I'm really happy about these things that I've learned and the knowledge that we gain daily. I'm greatful for really good friends who put up with alot of crap and alot of emotion roller coasters. I'm greatful for the things that they have taught me and the love that they have shown me without them I don't know what my life would be. Heavenly Father blesses us with the people we need in our life at the times we need them the most and I'm very greatful for that. I know that our Father in Heaven hears and answers our prayers. I know that he loves us and that he knows each and everyone of us. He truely wants us to be happy and loves to bless us and help us along our way. I'm greatful for the comfort and love that he has shown me and the prayers that have been answered in my behalf. Never feel like you can't talk to him because he wants to talk to you. Talk to him about any little thing in life, your sad, your happy you need help finding a job talk to him and you will be amazed at how much he will bless you.

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