Every time I post a new blog while I'm typing in my head is the voice of the lady off of you got mail. I guess that's what blogs do to you.
Days are flying bye like never before in my life I wake up one day and it's Monday the next thing I know it's Friday. That's great and wished it would of happened like that back in high school or when I had something exciting going on on the weekends, but since it's putting me closer to leaving it's getting alittle scary.
It's funny how when you get you'r call everyone is super excited for you to go and all on board. And when the days get closer and closer everyone changes their minds. I'm not going to lie I've thought to myself time and time again, I don't have to go I'm a girl, I don't have to do this I can just say no, My life is good how it is now I can just go back to it and continue on. It's hard to leave what you only know and what you love. It's hard to think that friends will be married in the time that you're gone. That people will be graduated. That the life I once had won't be the same anymore.
Sometimes I think that life would be easier if.... I was a boy because then I would of already went and I'm done and back to life before I knew any better. Or if we were all robots and had to feelings then we wouldn't cry when we left or really even care for the matter.
It's funny how little things seem to be HUGE and effect us in so many ways. As we go through life we have blinders like horses do when they race so they can't see the other horses or anything else. As we grow up our blinders slowy get smaller and smaller and then they are gone. We see the world as it really is and how people really are sometimes. We our problems and want what other people have. As the world opens up to us and we see how it is, it makes us want to crawl under the fort blanket and never come out. As my blinders have slowly came off and will continue to come off even more when i'm in Nicaragua I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it. Were taught to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, with no blinders I don't see how you can't have those. There are days now that I feel like I can't go on, there is to much bad in the world and I'm to sad and it's scary to think that how I feel now will be doubled when I get out on my mission and start to teach and see those who have nothing, those who know that the gospel is true but Satan gets to them and they quit listening. To see that my companions might not always see eye to eye with me and that cooking for myself is hard, but I know that I will be taken care of and no matter what pain and heart break I'm going through that the Savior knows how I feel.
I was taught during a rough month that the Atonement isn't just for when we sin. The Atonement is for everything in life. When we are sad, lonely, angry, disappointed and feeling like no one knows how we could possibly feel. I know we have all heard it before, but the Savior knows how we feel. We need to turn to him and turn our feelings towards him because he knows how we feel and we need to give him those feelings because he has already atoned for them so we don't have to feel that way anymore. Does that mean we don't have to go through the trial or hard time we are going through? No, we still have to learn and to go through them because by turning our feelings over to him we grow and are comforted. I said before I can do hard things and so can you! Life isn't easy and it won't ever be. We will always have problems that will come up but we can get through them. And when you're done with that trial just think of what lies ahead for you when your done. I know it's going to be something amazing!
If anyone is thinking about going on a mission it's not easy and the trials and test you go through before you even get to the MTC are pretty darn hard, but go forward with faith and trust in the Lord and He will bless you. Everything might not be there when you get home and thats a little scary but you will be provided for and whats meant to be will always find it's way.