Wednesday, November 9, 2011


I'm getting alittle more use to being home which is scary and I don't want to be but don't worry I will be going back out. We have made phone call after phone call to find out what hoops we need to jump through and what we need to do to get me out and running. I have felt like almost everyday i have had an appointment with the doctors and it's pretty much been that way but whatever if thats what I need to do to get me back out there I'll go see them all the time. I am very thankful for them and for their understanding and their love and concern. We have been so blessed to get into returned missionary doctors or they have been able to work us in quickly so that my recovery time and my time home is the fastest it can be.
What we have found out so far is that I need to start a little bit of physical therapy so that we can show them look I am going to be fine out there i know these exercises to do and I will do them to help strengthen my back so that i won't have a problem with it while I am down there. Also we have had to call a few people to just give them heads up's whats going on and how they can help in this. I'm frustrated because it's not the timing that i want. I told my mission president when I first left that I would be back this week. I would have been back to working by now, but like I've said before my timing is not the Lord's timing and well I guess my mind just doesn't capture everything thats going on and understand that it take a little time to get things fixed. We're not just putting a piece of tape over a ripped piece of paper. So far we are hoping for the week of Thanksgiving, keep praying and having faith that this will be the time.
I'm very grateful for the memories I am able to make here while i am here before my brother leaves for his missoin and for the insight that I am able to teach him. Believe me I am no professional and I don't know everything but i am able to read with Map and stephen in the mornings and teach them a little bit and help them understand a little bit more. I'm grateful for my zone back in Leon Nicaragua who gave me a surprise phone call yesterday and made my day a little better and reminded me that i am loved and missed.
I'm grateful for warm blankets because I am freezing here and socks and sweats. It's a little bit of a different temp here then in Nicaragua I don't think I have been able to feel my feet since I have gotten here.
I'm grateful for goot parents who are going to work their very hardest to get me better and get me back out there, who will call the people for me and get everything worked out because I sure don't want to do that.
I'm grateful for the scriptures and for the comfort that they bring and the teachers we can recieve from them. In many cases bad things happen to good people. In the scriptures we read abou people wo are going to respect their convents they have made wih the Lord and not go to battle with others, or who are trying to be faithful and bad things happen to them. Many people while reading these stories would go, why is the lord doing this? Hello these people are trying to be good, they are doing what is right and they die? Everyhing is in the Lord's hands and happens for a reason. When we feel as though we are trying our best to be good, that we are doing everything we can we are still going to face hard times and have trials that we pass through. It is part of life and part of a learning experience in our lives. I am very grateful for the Lord and His love for me for giving me these are times and trials. I love the talk about the little current bush from last Aprils conference about the gardener loving the bush so much that he is will to cut him down so he can grown into what he wants him to be. If we can remember this while we are going through hard times that we really are loved and that when we finish this refining we are going to be better, but also it is our job to make ourselves better. To understand that He loves us so much to do this. That he hears our prayers and is going to answer not in our time but in his time. We need to keep being faithful and keep pushing forward there is a light at the end of the tunnel just keep going, one foot infront of the other and we will get there.
I'm so very blessed and thankful for this gospel in my life so that I can grow and that I can know these teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and His father our Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the Atoneing sacrifice for me so that the mistakes that I have made and that I will make I can become clean, I can be forgien and I can be reminded that someone else has felt the way I have felt before. That I am not alone and that I can be freeed from this feeling if I but turn to the Lord and simple ask for help.We need to ask and to communicate with the Lord, He can read our minds but he has given us our agency and our free will .He is not going to step in and take over with out us asking for it. Just like in a car you can not be on cruise control if you do not put in on. Pray to him and ask him for whatever you need the blessings and comfort we will recieve is unbelievable. This I testify of in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

As for the back, here is day 2 after the shot and I feel a little better but I still have pain. I don't know if it's because the shot or just different things working I'm hoping it will continue to get better and to go away. Will see how it feels later on and tomorrow.

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